The Ultimate Checklist

As I sat on the prayer mat after my Isyak prayers yesterday, I began questioning myself on my faith.
The ups-and-downs occurs too often. One day I can be at the peak (I felt that way) but the next moment (literally, the very  next moment), there I was at the lowest. Ironic ek!
Anyways, I was pondering yesterday. I felt that my faith should at least be somewhat dip just a level or two then gradually increases. And not a process whereby faith was gradually increasing then falls right back to where I began.
As I was pondering, suddenly (with His grace), the mind just drifted to the interior of a masjid (a fewdays ago, a friend of mine forwarded an email which has 360degrees view of a masjid). The pillars then became the centre of my attention. And unknowingly, I started asking myself about the Pillars of Faith and Pillars of Islam. At times, I get the Pillars mixed up. Had the urge to check it out online.
After verifying my "knowledge" with the web, I realized that my Pillars wasnt strong enough and one pillar was non-existance. May Allah forgive me.

Lets not forget the Pillars of Islam and Faith. Keep it as a checklist to renew ourselves.
For the benefit of others and myself, here's the list.

Pillars of Faith

• Believe in Allah
• Believe in Angels
• Believe in Allah's Revealed Books
• Believe in Prophets and His Messengers
• Believe in Judgement Day
• Believe in Qadar (Divine Predestination) (Allahu'alam= Only Allah knows best)

Pillars of Islam

• Sahadah
• Prayers
• Alms (zakat)
• Fasting in the month of Ramadan
• Hajj

Well Guided Ceiling

Cited from the Nobel Quran
(The Prophets 21:32)

We made the sky above them as a well-guarded ceiling, but they have neglected the evidence (of Our existence) therein

The Much Needed Strength

I dont have the strength to talk about the bad past experience w/o feeling angry towards the person involved.
It still bring much tears. As much as I know it was tailored-made for me by Him, pre-planned to bring me where I am today.
The words, the actions....have deeply hurted me.
We are still friends but am I faking it? on the pretext that I have forgive and forget.
All along, I've been lying to myself and everyone else????

Right now, I'm hurted, confused and sad at the same time.
Hurted thinking about the past experience. Confused by my own actions now and sad that I am still angry about it (I thought I was over it)

May Allah give me the strength pull this through.
I want to be able to smile and be thankful of the hurted experience. To acknowledge that IT has brought me closer to Him. And to forgive him, sincerely. Amin!!!

Unseen Blessings

For some reason, last night I was curious to find out the duties and responsibilities of malaikat-malaikat. To be more precise, Malaikat Mikhail.
SubhanAllah! not only are they  (I was once told that the name is just like a group name. exact number of them, only He knows. Maybe its written in the Quran or in Hadith but I have yet to come across any..i've not done much reading i may add) in charge of distributing sustenance to mankind, animals, plants and other living things but also seek forgiveness (istighfar) to Allah S.W.T. for the dutiful ones who have sinned.

Are we not capable of realizing it when we have sinned and seek our own forgiveness?
We might not have met them (or maybe we have..we just do not know) but there they are helping us to.

I remember briefly reading an article few years back on Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. About him crying. He cried for us, his umat, who will be the first to be resurrected during Judgement Day. I don't quite recall if he cried cause many of us are the wrongdoers and bound to face Allah's punishment or was there other reasons as well?

Rights, I think my entry here is quite weak. But MasyaAllah, I am just trying to share something that smitten my heart and made me wonder what have I done to deserve such caring Prophet and Angel. Thank Him for bestowing us with such blessings. May Allah forgive us all. Amin!

a (good) friend indeed

-uncut, unedited, raw entry-
Few days ago, i met a long time good friend at the plaza, for my-so-called-dinner.
we were quite amazed that our friendship is coming to its 10th year (...next yr). how time flies.
so there he was talking about his first few "dates" with me a few years back.

Got to know him from my attachment stint. Back then, I dont recall talking much to him. Nevertheless, we started contacting each other only after the stint ended. I dont know how he get hold of my hp no. back then. but yah!
i bet im qiute hostile towards him even after the attachment ended. our "dates" back then was a horrible experience for him. He mentioned about my "pouty" moments and how I could just walk away from him. ouh dear!! part nie, memang la guilty. i always react that way when the anxiety gets the better of me.
nevertheless, even with the bad experiences he went through, i dont recall him ever stopped messaging nor asking me out. it amazes me how patient he was towards me. he didnt even tried to change me (by repremanding me), he merely continued being the good person he is. and i slowly open up to him. :) MasyaAllah!
And im glad that we are still good close friends despite the fact that he will be getting hitched soon. Here's to our platonic friendship brader!

That nite, i thought it over. there are many good friends of mine who were patient enuf to allow me to slowly take my time to overcome my weakness. who are not affected by my weird personality. they continued to care. Its a blessing to have them in my life. To know that many cared for me genuinely. =)

personally, i think he's good.

The 1st counselling session

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrHgOoNBiWk&feature=related

conflict of interest

today is the day..when im staring at the screen, hav the urge to surf the net, update the blog, check FB and stay connected virtually. but today is also the day when I am clueless "what do I wanna search on the net, what am I interested to talk about on my blog, whose/ what statues on FB".
u ever experience that before?