The Much Needed Strength

I dont have the strength to talk about the bad past experience w/o feeling angry towards the person involved.
It still bring much tears. As much as I know it was tailored-made for me by Him, pre-planned to bring me where I am today.
The words, the actions....have deeply hurted me.
We are still friends but am I faking it? on the pretext that I have forgive and forget.
All along, I've been lying to myself and everyone else????

Right now, I'm hurted, confused and sad at the same time.
Hurted thinking about the past experience. Confused by my own actions now and sad that I am still angry about it (I thought I was over it)

May Allah give me the strength pull this through.
I want to be able to smile and be thankful of the hurted experience. To acknowledge that IT has brought me closer to Him. And to forgive him, sincerely. Amin!!!