بِسْمِ ال
Feeling: is frustrated
"Bila ko nyer turn nak kawin?" yes, as the years goes by..that question was asked more frequently. personally i dont have a problem with it as my answer would be either "i have not found the one yet", "insyaAllah bila da ada jodoh nanti". but what i have a problem with is...actually i dun consider myself having problem, in fact maybe the other has problem with EQ on that day, is when one can easily "match make" me with someone who is also unmarried...conveniently.
To be honest, at the back of the mind, i have already started nagging. Yes, to tell the person that the marriage that was bestowed to him was from Him. So instead of making me feel I am being mocked at (and accummulate more dosa at my end, May Allah forgive me :( ),wont it be better that it was replaced by saying thanks and praises Him.
A marriage, a sacred bond, which is a gift from Allah. A gift. Am i supposed to just settle down with someone whom i may not like or dun meet the criteria (who is fit to lead me and my future children. someone whom my children could count on and be proud of) that i have in mind, just to keep the "matchmaking" at bay and/or to stop the advices. Not that I dont need advice or dont appreciate it, but I will ask when I feel the need to be adviced and I will approach the best (to my knowledge) and whom i am comfortable sharing about such issues. One thing I've learnt, its pointless giving advices to someone when he/she feels its not a problem to begin with. so, please stand behind my yellow line....7 arms length away for now!
I have people that I know who cried for me. Took pity of me.
The thoughts are sweet but its been placed in the wrong way. Save the tears. Ration it for those more important times, like in our sholat (*note to self*)
How come marriage seems to be a HOT QUESTION as we age?
I wonder as the years goes by will the next few HOT QUESTIONS be.."Da kerja kan umrah?" "Bile nak ke Haji?"
(May He remove us from the feeling that we are superior from others in a way or another)
ok, anyways I need to re-emphasise that i have no issue about Bila nk kahwin question, just dont play matchmake or provide me with advices when i myself didnt ask for it. Appreciate your gestures.
The best gift for any unmarried person is SUPPLICATIONS.
A portion of the Al Fatehah is "To Him, we worship. To Him we seek His help". Help me to ask Him to bless me with a righteous spouse.
SubhanAllah, May He reward for those who have tireless made supplications for me. Jazakkallahu khayran.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
I had a dream
بِسْمِ ال
I have always been fascinated by how our dreams are connected/ linked to our emotions side. not much of the dreams made sense to me. but yesterday's dream..MasyaAllah, completed the whole emotion/ cognitive jigsaw i felt and experienced. so here's how the dream snippets went like:. (the ones in brackets are my "interpretation about the dream itself"):
i was somewhere in the neighbourhood, along with 2 other so-called friends.
I happened to recognize one being the primary/ secondary friend I had. She was the more domineering one, who have the tendency to expect others to show respect to her. ok, to keep it simple, she was wat we call in secondary school, gangster.
Though I dont feel comfortable being in their company, I just tagged along.
(somehow I realized that at times, I do exhibit this behaviour. I tend to juz try to be physically there with some people though i seriously feel like i dont want to. i feel obliged to..sometimes. :( worst thing is i juz played along).
The friend that i was with started picking up a fight over some glaring issues. And i was caught in the fight as well. hhhhmmmm!!!
Good thing was, i didnt end up with any punches...Alhamdullilah.
As the opposing members approached me, i was "somehow" ready to leave my fate to Him, I even recited a doa "tawakkaltu Allahi wa la hawla wa la kuwwata Ilah billah". Alhamdullilah, the members kind of just flip me around..but no "injuries" sustained.
I quickly left the whole group. And found myself at Suntec.
(MasyaAllah! Even in dreams, He made me remembers Him and the doa. I do hope that when situation arises or during normal days in real life, He will help me to remember Him constantly too. Alongside Taqwa. Amin!)
Im amazed how my dreams are linked to what i remember about a place as well. i know that Carrefour Hypermarket are no longer found in Singapore. And so in my dream it was replaced by NTUC EXTRA...hee! cute la kan. The mind replaces it with another hypermarket...lol!
And there was even a makcik who exclaimed that it is open 24hrs. ;)
i was looking frantically for an exit..no idea how i ended up being in Suntec, which looked like Pasar Baru in Bandung. i even wanted to buy a kain there!!!!
(this i gotta admit, i am looking for a kain in real life. :) )
anws, though i was tempted..really tempted to purchase a cloth, i was more determined to get away..run away. go to a safe place.
i could not find escalator down,,,like i mentioned it was like in Pasar Baru concept..and it was filled with people. i resorted to go to the carpark and walk down the same "route" like the cars. it was drizzling by the way.
(no idea, what this means though. something deep i supposed.)
I finally managed to get out of the building..and found myself at Kallang. Wanted to take the bus home (yes, at this point i know i wanted to get home)
and so i hailed for a cab instead. there was a group of youngsters who was waiting for a cab too.
As i flagged down a cab, the cab driver wind down his windows and said that he cant u-turn to get to where i was standing. he did said that the car in front of him is blocking him and the car is too near his cab. i suggested that he reverse to give more space for him to overtake the car.
His cab finally reaches me, the group of youngsters nearly board on the cab, but i have no clue what happened..i think the cab driver told em that I flagged his cab down first. anws as i made my way in the cab, i realized that there was no proper seat..i had to squad and balance myself on a rusty rod. hmmm...i sat in the cab anyways (ok, now here is what i interpret the dream. i tend to be accommodative. i tink personally i feel as long as i dont tink it is too much for me to handle, i am able to take it.) No, the group of teens who "nearly stole my cab" didnt board the cab because there was no proper seat in the cab hor. the cab that they got later was something worst, they had to hang on to their dear lifes as they had to seat on the windows of their cab. (if you cant picture how that look like, picture the crowds in India on-board the train).
Back to my dreams, i remained in the cab, questioned the cab driver, what happened to his cab till there is no proper seat.
His reply while driving and facing me "I was caught in an accident!"
i think i did managed to tell the cab driver to keep his eyes on the road. And i know i was terrified after hearing what he said.
Before i could reach home safely from the much not-anticipated drama, my handphone (in real life!) rang.
Thats the end of my dream.
As i try to run from the past, it does trigger me once in a while. The bullying in primary and secondary school. how i simply endured the "pain" just to be with someone whom i called a friend. At times now, i do wonder if the deed i do is a good one. will people exploit my kindness. yes, i do hav tots "am i being bullied again?"
May He make it easier for me to do every good deed (within my means) because of Him. InsyaAllah!
Anws it kinda intrigued me to know about the linkage between the dreams and reality emo/cognitive side of us. :)
Where,how do i begin reading about it?
I have always been fascinated by how our dreams are connected/ linked to our emotions side. not much of the dreams made sense to me. but yesterday's dream..MasyaAllah, completed the whole emotion/ cognitive jigsaw i felt and experienced. so here's how the dream snippets went like:. (the ones in brackets are my "interpretation about the dream itself"):
i was somewhere in the neighbourhood, along with 2 other so-called friends.
I happened to recognize one being the primary/ secondary friend I had. She was the more domineering one, who have the tendency to expect others to show respect to her. ok, to keep it simple, she was wat we call in secondary school, gangster.
Though I dont feel comfortable being in their company, I just tagged along.
(somehow I realized that at times, I do exhibit this behaviour. I tend to juz try to be physically there with some people though i seriously feel like i dont want to. i feel obliged to..sometimes. :( worst thing is i juz played along).
The friend that i was with started picking up a fight over some glaring issues. And i was caught in the fight as well. hhhhmmmm!!!
Good thing was, i didnt end up with any punches...Alhamdullilah.
As the opposing members approached me, i was "somehow" ready to leave my fate to Him, I even recited a doa "tawakkaltu Allahi wa la hawla wa la kuwwata Ilah billah". Alhamdullilah, the members kind of just flip me around..but no "injuries" sustained.
I quickly left the whole group. And found myself at Suntec.
(MasyaAllah! Even in dreams, He made me remembers Him and the doa. I do hope that when situation arises or during normal days in real life, He will help me to remember Him constantly too. Alongside Taqwa. Amin!)
Im amazed how my dreams are linked to what i remember about a place as well. i know that Carrefour Hypermarket are no longer found in Singapore. And so in my dream it was replaced by NTUC EXTRA...hee! cute la kan. The mind replaces it with another hypermarket...lol!
And there was even a makcik who exclaimed that it is open 24hrs. ;)
i was looking frantically for an exit..no idea how i ended up being in Suntec, which looked like Pasar Baru in Bandung. i even wanted to buy a kain there!!!!
(this i gotta admit, i am looking for a kain in real life. :) )
anws, though i was tempted..really tempted to purchase a cloth, i was more determined to get away..run away. go to a safe place.
i could not find escalator down,,,like i mentioned it was like in Pasar Baru concept..and it was filled with people. i resorted to go to the carpark and walk down the same "route" like the cars. it was drizzling by the way.
(no idea, what this means though. something deep i supposed.)
I finally managed to get out of the building..and found myself at Kallang. Wanted to take the bus home (yes, at this point i know i wanted to get home)
and so i hailed for a cab instead. there was a group of youngsters who was waiting for a cab too.
As i flagged down a cab, the cab driver wind down his windows and said that he cant u-turn to get to where i was standing. he did said that the car in front of him is blocking him and the car is too near his cab. i suggested that he reverse to give more space for him to overtake the car.
His cab finally reaches me, the group of youngsters nearly board on the cab, but i have no clue what happened..i think the cab driver told em that I flagged his cab down first. anws as i made my way in the cab, i realized that there was no proper seat..i had to squad and balance myself on a rusty rod. hmmm...i sat in the cab anyways (ok, now here is what i interpret the dream. i tend to be accommodative. i tink personally i feel as long as i dont tink it is too much for me to handle, i am able to take it.) No, the group of teens who "nearly stole my cab" didnt board the cab because there was no proper seat in the cab hor. the cab that they got later was something worst, they had to hang on to their dear lifes as they had to seat on the windows of their cab. (if you cant picture how that look like, picture the crowds in India on-board the train).
Back to my dreams, i remained in the cab, questioned the cab driver, what happened to his cab till there is no proper seat.
His reply while driving and facing me "I was caught in an accident!"
i think i did managed to tell the cab driver to keep his eyes on the road. And i know i was terrified after hearing what he said.
Before i could reach home safely from the much not-anticipated drama, my handphone (in real life!) rang.
Thats the end of my dream.
As i try to run from the past, it does trigger me once in a while. The bullying in primary and secondary school. how i simply endured the "pain" just to be with someone whom i called a friend. At times now, i do wonder if the deed i do is a good one. will people exploit my kindness. yes, i do hav tots "am i being bullied again?"
May He make it easier for me to do every good deed (within my means) because of Him. InsyaAllah!
Anws it kinda intrigued me to know about the linkage between the dreams and reality emo/cognitive side of us. :)
Where,how do i begin reading about it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)