I dont have the strength to talk about the bad past experience w/o feeling angry towards the person involved.
It still bring much tears. As much as I know it was tailored-made for me by Him, pre-planned to bring me where I am today.
The words, the actions....have deeply hurted me.
We are still friends but am I faking it? on the pretext that I have forgive and forget.
All along, I've been lying to myself and everyone else????
Right now, I'm hurted, confused and sad at the same time.
Hurted thinking about the past experience. Confused by my own actions now and sad that I am still angry about it (I thought I was over it)
May Allah give me the strength pull this through.
I want to be able to smile and be thankful of the hurted experience. To acknowledge that IT has brought me closer to Him. And to forgive him, sincerely. Amin!!!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Unseen Blessings
For some reason, last night I was curious to find out the duties and responsibilities of malaikat-malaikat. To be more precise, Malaikat Mikhail.
SubhanAllah! not only are they (I was once told that the name is just like a group name. exact number of them, only He knows. Maybe its written in the Quran or in Hadith but I have yet to come across any..i've not done much reading i may add) in charge of distributing sustenance to mankind, animals, plants and other living things but also seek forgiveness (istighfar) to Allah S.W.T. for the dutiful ones who have sinned.
Are we not capable of realizing it when we have sinned and seek our own forgiveness?
We might not have met them (or maybe we have..we just do not know) but there they are helping us to.
I remember briefly reading an article few years back on Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. About him crying. He cried for us, his umat, who will be the first to be resurrected during Judgement Day. I don't quite recall if he cried cause many of us are the wrongdoers and bound to face Allah's punishment or was there other reasons as well?
Rights, I think my entry here is quite weak. But MasyaAllah, I am just trying to share something that smitten my heart and made me wonder what have I done to deserve such caring Prophet and Angel. Thank Him for bestowing us with such blessings. May Allah forgive us all. Amin!
SubhanAllah! not only are they (I was once told that the name is just like a group name. exact number of them, only He knows. Maybe its written in the Quran or in Hadith but I have yet to come across any..i've not done much reading i may add) in charge of distributing sustenance to mankind, animals, plants and other living things but also seek forgiveness (istighfar) to Allah S.W.T. for the dutiful ones who have sinned.
Are we not capable of realizing it when we have sinned and seek our own forgiveness?
We might not have met them (or maybe we have..we just do not know) but there they are helping us to.
I remember briefly reading an article few years back on Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. About him crying. He cried for us, his umat, who will be the first to be resurrected during Judgement Day. I don't quite recall if he cried cause many of us are the wrongdoers and bound to face Allah's punishment or was there other reasons as well?
Rights, I think my entry here is quite weak. But MasyaAllah, I am just trying to share something that smitten my heart and made me wonder what have I done to deserve such caring Prophet and Angel. Thank Him for bestowing us with such blessings. May Allah forgive us all. Amin!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
a (good) friend indeed
-uncut, unedited, raw entry-
Few days ago, i met a long time good friend at the plaza, for my-so-called-dinner.
we were quite amazed that our friendship is coming to its 10th year (...next yr). how time flies.
so there he was talking about his first few "dates" with me a few years back.
Got to know him from my attachment stint. Back then, I dont recall talking much to him. Nevertheless, we started contacting each other only after the stint ended. I dont know how he get hold of my hp no. back then. but yah!
i bet im qiute hostile towards him even after the attachment ended. our "dates" back then was a horrible experience for him. He mentioned about my "pouty" moments and how I could just walk away from him. ouh dear!! part nie, memang la guilty. i always react that way when the anxiety gets the better of me.
nevertheless, even with the bad experiences he went through, i dont recall him ever stopped messaging nor asking me out. it amazes me how patient he was towards me. he didnt even tried to change me (by repremanding me), he merely continued being the good person he is. and i slowly open up to him. :) MasyaAllah!
And im glad that we are still good close friends despite the fact that he will be getting hitched soon. Here's to our platonic friendship brader!
That nite, i thought it over. there are many good friends of mine who were patient enuf to allow me to slowly take my time to overcome my weakness. who are not affected by my weird personality. they continued to care. Its a blessing to have them in my life. To know that many cared for me genuinely. =)
Few days ago, i met a long time good friend at the plaza, for my-so-called-dinner.
we were quite amazed that our friendship is coming to its 10th year (...next yr). how time flies.
so there he was talking about his first few "dates" with me a few years back.
Got to know him from my attachment stint. Back then, I dont recall talking much to him. Nevertheless, we started contacting each other only after the stint ended. I dont know how he get hold of my hp no. back then. but yah!
i bet im qiute hostile towards him even after the attachment ended. our "dates" back then was a horrible experience for him. He mentioned about my "pouty" moments and how I could just walk away from him. ouh dear!! part nie, memang la guilty. i always react that way when the anxiety gets the better of me.
nevertheless, even with the bad experiences he went through, i dont recall him ever stopped messaging nor asking me out. it amazes me how patient he was towards me. he didnt even tried to change me (by repremanding me), he merely continued being the good person he is. and i slowly open up to him. :) MasyaAllah!
And im glad that we are still good close friends despite the fact that he will be getting hitched soon. Here's to our platonic friendship brader!
That nite, i thought it over. there are many good friends of mine who were patient enuf to allow me to slowly take my time to overcome my weakness. who are not affected by my weird personality. they continued to care. Its a blessing to have them in my life. To know that many cared for me genuinely. =)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
conflict of interest
today is the day..when im staring at the screen, hav the urge to surf the net, update the blog, check FB and stay connected virtually. but today is also the day when I am clueless "what do I wanna search on the net, what am I interested to talk about on my blog, whose/ what statues on FB".
u ever experience that before?
u ever experience that before?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
what was I thinking?
lil_zoid; putriserunding; adik
what was i thinking when i "named" mysef as above.
the above are either my email, tweet a/c names.
lil_zoid came about wen I was in sec school. i was watching the zoids cartoon.
while watching it, i was busy creating my first email a/c.
Putriserunding...i love pulut serunding for a fact. serunding especially!!!
and i loved reading putriberendam (its a food critic blogger) entries. dan gambung kan kedua2nya.
putriserunding. ahahah!!
adik, ouh well! i was called adik..one-upon-a-time.
now, the mom no longer calls me tat. she calls me, enje (she used to say tat it means manja-or was it juz in my imagination that she said it). the rest calls me...goli (gulps!) (this one confirm was from my elder sis. she said it describe my big "beautiful" eyes. ok, beautiful was added by yours truly la kan).
so there, thats where my "names" came from. ;)
what was i thinking when i "named" mysef as above.
the above are either my email, tweet a/c names.
lil_zoid came about wen I was in sec school. i was watching the zoids cartoon.
while watching it, i was busy creating my first email a/c.
Putriserunding...i love pulut serunding for a fact. serunding especially!!!
and i loved reading putriberendam (its a food critic blogger) entries. dan gambung kan kedua2nya.
putriserunding. ahahah!!
adik, ouh well! i was called adik..one-upon-a-time.
now, the mom no longer calls me tat. she calls me, enje (she used to say tat it means manja-or was it juz in my imagination that she said it). the rest calls me...goli (gulps!) (this one confirm was from my elder sis. she said it describe my big "beautiful" eyes. ok, beautiful was added by yours truly la kan).
so there, thats where my "names" came from. ;)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
monday thoughts
"Assalamualaikum Ustazah"
ok, not the first time i've been called ustazah. initially i thought ustazah is more of a female teacher who teaches Islamic Teachings. its not lorz..its teacher. ahaha!
aniwaes awat la panggil saya teacher ek. im far from that.
ok rites, the abovementioned wasnt my intended topic.
i wana talk about defining one as religious.
its difficult for me to define & personally i believe it takes more than juz a cert and appropriate manners (towards people) to define as religious.
its not defined by fulfilling 5 obligatory prayers. Prayers makes us muslim not religious (cited from a tweet). true enough.
One donning on hijab, is not necessarily someone who is religious as well. For a fact, im not even near that. i dun even noe if the way i don on it meets his standard. the obligatory prayers, I have difficult waking up for Subuh esp on weekends. I have difficulty concerntrating. Tajwid..not flawless i must say. Meanings of the recitation..im trying my best to recall each meaning during each recitation.
All I can say is, im trying to be a better muslim. not the best but just better.
I do get caught up with duniawi stuff. But alhamdullilah, there are frens who remind me. Like seriously, friends are important! they are the people who define you. u cant choose yr family but u can choose your frens.
For each effort that we make, may He reward us with his bountiful rewards.
For each mistake we make, may He guide us back to the guided road. May He forgive us.
Come to tink of it, did i really try my best to be better?? hmmm.....
ok, not the first time i've been called ustazah. initially i thought ustazah is more of a female teacher who teaches Islamic Teachings. its not lorz..its teacher. ahaha!
aniwaes awat la panggil saya teacher ek. im far from that.
ok rites, the abovementioned wasnt my intended topic.
i wana talk about defining one as religious.
its difficult for me to define & personally i believe it takes more than juz a cert and appropriate manners (towards people) to define as religious.
its not defined by fulfilling 5 obligatory prayers. Prayers makes us muslim not religious (cited from a tweet). true enough.
One donning on hijab, is not necessarily someone who is religious as well. For a fact, im not even near that. i dun even noe if the way i don on it meets his standard. the obligatory prayers, I have difficult waking up for Subuh esp on weekends. I have difficulty concerntrating. Tajwid..not flawless i must say. Meanings of the recitation..im trying my best to recall each meaning during each recitation.
All I can say is, im trying to be a better muslim. not the best but just better.
I do get caught up with duniawi stuff. But alhamdullilah, there are frens who remind me. Like seriously, friends are important! they are the people who define you. u cant choose yr family but u can choose your frens.
For each effort that we make, may He reward us with his bountiful rewards.
For each mistake we make, may He guide us back to the guided road. May He forgive us.
Come to tink of it, did i really try my best to be better?? hmmm.....
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