i cant think of a proper, suitable title for this post

بِسْمِ ال
Death. Accidents. Illness. Mistreated

I have been staring, typing and deleting and re-typing this first sentence for the past 7mins.
I have no idea how to begin blogging abt this without having much reservations about my thoughts and feelings yet I dun wish to sound like im gloatting over the misfortunes that are my close colleagues and acquaintance went and are going through.

Death: A close colleague of mine, a great sweet kakak whom I consider as the kelakar-seram kakak, lost her mom last Wednesday. It was considered as a sudden death as no one expected it. All her illness was considered as normal old age illness.
As I was talking to her yesterday, she did mentioned that her mom's passing hasnt really get into her yet. She's slightly affected but hasnt felt the impact yet.
There are times when she was doing something and thought about her mom...and then she realized that her mom is no longer ard.

An acquaintance lost her 9-year old son in a road accident in Aussie. Heard the news on radio this morning which then a close fren of mine texted and informed me that someone I knew is involved in the road accident.
A family trip which ended up tragic.
I have always regarded her as a strong lady eversince I met her. Strong willed and firm with her grounds and beliefs. Close-knitted family. The accident also involved her husband and 3 other children. Her husband and one of her child are in critical condition.

Illness and Mistreated: Another close collegue is diagnosed with somekind of illness that weakens her legs and made her lose appetite. Losing her leg strength bit by bit made her feel useless cause she will always need to depend on others and be next to her in case she might fall. Someone who used to be so independant suddenly has to depend on others makes her feel more sorry for herself. hates it!, she said.
Condition at home, being verbal abuse by the in-law made it worst.

Ina Lillahi Wa Ina Ilayhi Raajioon
May Allah grant strength and will power to these incredible ladies to pull through the rough times. May the misfortunes bring them closer to Him.

When such incidents inflicted people that we know or have known, it just dawn on us how fortunate we are, right now. And how great He is. The happiness that we are experiencing right now, be it monetary, relationships, health fortunes will surely be gone as He willed.

As I read back the paragraph before this, i realize too that all along i noe how fortunate i am but i dont really appreciate it. how i've taken advantage of its existance.
=(
Do i have to lose it in order to count it as a blessing?

 

just a feeling

hanya terkilan.

as simple as that.

Larger than Life Itself

بِسْمِ ال
Who are we to question His forgiving attributes. Who are we to doubt it.
May He forgive me, we and us if we ever thought of "am I forgiven?"
What are repeated ones? Is it forgiven as well?

In surah Ta-Ha (20:44), Allah instructed Moses (Musa A.S) and Aaron (Haron A.S) to speak mildly to Pharaoh(Firaun). He gave Pharaoh (someone who is known to be the most evil person on earth....and regarded himself as god? - im not too sure if he did regarded himself as god) chance to repent.  Ayat as below.

What is our sins compared to his? we fail to greet one another...again. we happened to speak about another sister/brother...(initially the niat was to just vent out frustration. but it turned to be a gossip session...argh!). we shouted or showed displeasure....(nie either PMS or case of tak-cukup-tidur).

Allah's grace is larger that what we can possibly image!
we sinned, we seek for forgiveness, and try not to commit the same mistake.
if not commiting seems impossible now, then we can try to reduce the degree and the intensity of the committed sin.

Rights, main point is do not despair on His mercy. Why give up on ourselves when He havent!
(note to self)

What I have written above are just some points (based on my human(E) experiences also) from a good lecture given by Nouman Ali on Never Give Up Hope
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BNIfki5qdw

	Faqoola lahu qawlan layyinanlaAAallahu yatathakkaru aw yakhsha "But speak to him midly; perhaps he may take warning or fear (Allah)"

Limitations

بِسْمِ الِّة

All of us have limitations, dont we. Limits to how much we can perform or control over matters. we are humans afterall.

I have been feeling tired lately due to work.
and the thought that my exams are around the corner yet work takes too much of my energy to study at night.
There were days when I felt that I didnt have sufficient sleep/ rest.

The tiredness took a toll on me on last Friday.
I was more cranky, more sensitive. I even felt hurt wen Tok Mat answered my question in his "do-not-bother-me" tone and his bochup gestures (yes, at times he is like that. spot the similarities between me and him :P). anws, i was so hurted that I literally cried wen he tried to "pacify" me. His pacify is by asking AniQ to disturb me "kacau auntie AniQ tu yg tgh merajuk". free flow of tears laaa. there I was, streams of crsytal clear tears flowed for about 5mins, in front of AniQ and my 2 younger sisters.

ok, anyways, whats my objective of writing this entry.
Well, what im trying to simply say is that, though part of my course at SIM did taught me about socioemotion and the self-control, I am ordinary human. simply ordinary with no special skills nor great knowledge, i do have my break-down days. do not expect me, in fact anyone, to be 100% of what we have learnt...everyday.  please consider that most people have bad days. What we've learnt takes more den just cultivating it in our own daily lives. 

Do not expect much from others. We are humans with limitations. And we wont have gotten this "far" w/o His guidance nor help.

Surah Al-Kahf (18:43)
"he had no one besides God to help him, nor could he himself achieve any success"  

a highly recommended video

بِسْمِ الِّة

I hope I've gotten the spelling of Bismillah right. I was just testing out the arabic online keyboard which I found guess where..online lorz. :P
anyways do let me know if  the spelling is wrong aite. I have checked online and the Quran on the spelling, but I may have gotten it wrong.

In my previous entry in regards to hijab, one of my frequent questions was .."what if my character/ behaviour doesnt reflects good on Islam". Think I didnt mentioned that another top doubt I had (hopefully it will still remain as past tensed, insyaAllah) was "what if I found out  that its not my time yet. and remove the hijab".
MasyaAllah, with His grace, a talk by Wardinah Saffiyah enlightened me. It can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh8FWDNBrTk (Struggling to be a better msulimah everyday)

Quran, is her guidance.
Like every skills, it has to be horn and like what the spore government has been saying and a campaign that is highly supported, lifelong learning.
We need to constantly seek for knowledge in Islam. Learn about it and understand the Quran.
Constant questioning, analyze and be critical. Look for answers. Masya'Allah!
With the acquired knowledge and discovery, insyaAllah, it will get us closer to Him. Make us desire more for His love. and with His grace, the good deeds and donning on the proper hijab will be of nature to us.
Do not remain stagnant. Like all love, it has to be nurtured, watered and light from the sun daily,
Lets treat our eeman as a plantation. mine is padi fields since i like the view of the fields at Bandung. (I believe its padi fields)

Highly recommend you to watch the video.

"semoga kita tidak leka dlm perjalanan ini dan sentiasa ber-rendah diri. Amin"

The Ultimate Checklist

As I sat on the prayer mat after my Isyak prayers yesterday, I began questioning myself on my faith.
The ups-and-downs occurs too often. One day I can be at the peak (I felt that way) but the next moment (literally, the very  next moment), there I was at the lowest. Ironic ek!
Anyways, I was pondering yesterday. I felt that my faith should at least be somewhat dip just a level or two then gradually increases. And not a process whereby faith was gradually increasing then falls right back to where I began.
As I was pondering, suddenly (with His grace), the mind just drifted to the interior of a masjid (a fewdays ago, a friend of mine forwarded an email which has 360degrees view of a masjid). The pillars then became the centre of my attention. And unknowingly, I started asking myself about the Pillars of Faith and Pillars of Islam. At times, I get the Pillars mixed up. Had the urge to check it out online.
After verifying my "knowledge" with the web, I realized that my Pillars wasnt strong enough and one pillar was non-existance. May Allah forgive me.

Lets not forget the Pillars of Islam and Faith. Keep it as a checklist to renew ourselves.
For the benefit of others and myself, here's the list.

Pillars of Faith

• Believe in Allah
• Believe in Angels
• Believe in Allah's Revealed Books
• Believe in Prophets and His Messengers
• Believe in Judgement Day
• Believe in Qadar (Divine Predestination) (Allahu'alam= Only Allah knows best)

Pillars of Islam

• Sahadah
• Prayers
• Alms (zakat)
• Fasting in the month of Ramadan
• Hajj

Well Guided Ceiling

Cited from the Nobel Quran
(The Prophets 21:32)

We made the sky above them as a well-guarded ceiling, but they have neglected the evidence (of Our existence) therein