Emotionally Distracted

was eager to pen dwn my thoughts on blog today.
but i was too emotionally distracted (read, its distracted not disturbed) till i have forgotten what was that I wanted to "talk" about.
yes, im still clueless. :S

Hijab Woe

Salams there *grins*
hee..here i am suddenly blogging about hijab woe.
Actually yesterday I was half way thru typing out my hijab transition journey..boy it took me a whole hour to "pen it" dwn. ok, my bad..in the midst of blogging, i had numerous "commercial breaks". too many distractions. :P
Ritez, i will get back to it as soon as I have finished this one & my lunch. :) insyaAllah.

This entry was supposed to be a short one. But i had some explanation (above) to do.
Not complaining just merely saying. and highlight that only a small portion of this entry is related to the title.
Ok, sshhh...stop explaining missy. Ritez.

There are many hijab-ers whose woe is "experiencing splitting headache" donning on the hijab.
Well, i tink its because of the "tension feeling" in the head. could be the scarve and/or the weather (yes man. it does la kan) which resulted to the headache.
Anws, my woe is not the head-ache..but my ear-ache. hee! itu je nak cakap. :P this time, i tink its the anak tudung and my way of donning the scarve. too tight i guess. hmmmm...

An unexpected Beautiful Journey

-raw & unedited. this was initially typed out the day before..but it was only 3/4 completed then.-

Its been a while since I've blog.

Tink i owe 2 important entries (on iman & my bandung trip).
Ok, i believe only 2 je lah. sounds like empty promises made. but I am the ikot-mood sort.

Me being me, now ikot mood. nak update on my hijab transition. =) yeay!
Alhamdullilah! Finally, me donning on the hijab and typing out an entry on it. say what? say yeay!!

Ok,serious stuff now.

Few weeks (months in fact) before donning on the hijab. alot of questions pops up in my mind.

I was asking a few of my close friends on their experience before and after donning on the hijab.

Their answers mostly were quite straight forward. Not that I dont value their explanation/ experience..but alot of thoughts went through my mind. Question like "am i ready for this", "what if I realized that I am not ready after i don on it?" and the most frequent pop-up qns is jeng jeng jeng.."what if my character/ behaviour doesnt reflects good on Islam"

MasyaAllah! May He frogives me for questioning myself alot for something that is wajib to be done more than a decade ago. I know its normal that we as humans we questions certain things in our life, but I too learn that just because its human nature,we shouldnt take things lightly. We still need to seek forgiveness from Him. No harm kan? ;)

ok, back to my story. I widen my "search for an answer" radius. Googled and googled. Watched YouTube on reverts to help me strenghten my iman too. (Had a convo with K'Erni - a close fren cum sister- abt reverts being more religious than us borned muslim. so I figured that I wanna feel the same way (or at least half) as they do. Watching YouTube helped. :) Alhamdullilah! I wont say that suddenly I turned into Hulk Hugan or Mighty Mouse..but it was a gradual growth in me. I felt that! (I will be lying if there are no parts that made me wanna skip/ fast forward. My attention span is pretty short. But there were many parts that touches the tiny meat/ muscle inside of me - the heart).

And I stumpled upon this blog (below is one of the entries which touches me)..which answered some of my doubts, etc. http://www.igotitcovered.org/2009/05/13/muslim-girl-my-inner-struggle-for-hijab/ .

After much persuasion, I was determined that I was ready to don on one. This happened in Dec. Told my parents about my intention. But who was I to kid. I "back-out" on the day that I assigned myself to. Reasons. I had reasons. Excuses one may say. Kita hanya mampu merancang, Allah yg menentukan. I wasnt ready deep dwn inside. :(
It saddens me actually coz I made my intention known to my parents (even gave the them the idea that i will don on tudung on our Bandung trip). Mcm disappoint em with my bad results. eeks!
So from then on, I decided to keep my intention low.But I continued reading entries from other muslimah.

9 Jan 2012. The day when I told my coliqs and bosses that I will don on one..this time no given date. I merely say "sooner or later". On that particular day, I can say that I took an extra effort to dress up, wore a dress with leggings. its different from my everyday-gal-next-door- look. ok, compliments. received alot of compliments..even from the boss whom seldom compliments me. The compliments and "look" from people made me a little bit uneasy. A sudden urge to just cover up (at this pt it was just a mere tot of grabbing a cloth and wrap mysef like a dumpling). Few hours later, I just made up my mind that I will don on the tudung the next day. =) Not much persuasion needed to be done. Even the tot of "what if I had nothing nice to wear tmrw?" didnt even strike my mind. I was more thinking about "i need more pins, brooch!" heee...

MasyaAllah, kuasa Allah kan. Just like that and He made me made up my "nagging mind". tak yah susah2.

and syukur Alhamdullilah, 10 Jan 2012 was the first day I don on the hijab. and now, the current blog that i frequent wave hi to is http://www.hijab-scarf.com/

trendy pple donning on the hijabs. =)

Thats it on my transition. Thanks for letting me share my beautiful journey here. lengthy entry i know. somewat dry, i will try to add in more seasonings to my entries yar. ;)

For the hijab-ers (including myself) and the future hijab-ers, May the journey that we will be going thru be a smooth one. Amin! And may our objective of donning on one, be a sincere one (for Him) and meets His requirements as well.

Talking about His requirements, insyaAllah, i will blog in regards to it. To keep myself reminded & for the sake of all sisters including myself. Amin.

Lets cut the trip short!

The power of Surah Kaffarah.
SubhanAllah! He gave us the surah to recite in order for us to wash away our sins after each meet-up/ classes that we attended.

Previously, below is the cycle that I had to went through. Almost Daily.

after meet-up --> guilt --> sleepless night --> drop in Imaan --> baby crawling moments to get closer to Him

Eversince I knew the meaning of the Surah (the message in it), syukur Alhamdullilah, the cycle was truly different.

after meet-up --> recite surah kaffarah (reflecting back the happenings) --> guilt (and still reflecting back) --> but can sleep @ night and not much difference in Imaan strength.

Cool ah! The power of the Surah (a seriously good blessings for the ones who often get free flight to Guilt).
So there, lets cut the guilty trip short. Of coz, it doesnt applies to sins that are committed on a free will & intentional basis.

my inner feelings

it felt like im down with an illness.
fully aware of my own condition.
knows the many medication & treatment available,
but i cant pop in those pills when im experiencing a seizure.

the seizure felt like i've been thrown in the sea, gasping for air.
i noe that i shldnt struggle there coz it will bring me further down.
but its a natural reaction. :(

excuses much? maybe.
im trying my best to make it all better, for the benefit of the future. insyaAllah!

Ya Allah, please make this easier for me. Only You can make something hard/ tough, easier.
from a humble slave of Yours.

dislike the acti0n n0t the pers0n

subhan'Allah! He had planned a good curriculum for me last wkend.

I have read & understood (well, slightly) the sentence "dislike the action not the person".
But, last weekend, He taught me the true meaning of it.

I have the tendency of simply avoiding contacts of people whom have hurted me emotionally, directly or indirectly. as much as possible, i would try to lessen the time i spent with 'em. klk theres a way out, i would calibut,sayonara, disappear there and then. maybe some of you may think that its a cowardly flight. well, you may be partly correct. but i was more concerned of not getting hurted again and of coz I wont want to blabber some hurtful words as my own defence.

ok anws to cut story short.

the person whom i dislike previously, happens to be the one who touched my heart. had a deep impact. the encouraging words & (something abt that incident) blows me away. somehow i felt loved by her. i felt that she cares.

seriously cares.

Dear Makcik, I thank you for the gestures! and encouragement.

a pot of tactful-ness

the mom is so tactful la...

I've received a cookware pot from the office lucky draw.
(but i had my eyes on the baking tray instead).

a coliq of mine gotten it and dont mind exchanging it with me.

I was contemplating if I shld exchange or just give the mom the pot.
I dont normally cook u see...

and so I called her...and asked.

her answer (which has been translated in broken english) " keep it. you might want to have it as a momento (to remind you- as in me- of the lucky draw)."

errr..is that indirectly telling me that she wants the pot?
so tactful..hee!!!