Me (to dad): Wahh! bought new handphone ah... :)
Dad: yep, its a gift! Birthday gift.
Me: ouhh relie! (pretty surprised!) you mean Singtel gave it to you? Gave you a voucher?
Dad: No. Its a gift from my daughter (giving me a wide smile! And laughed!).
yes, every year w/o fail I would ask him for a gift...shamelessly.
Either I hinted it directly or indirectly.
and this year, he decided to get back at me for once.
wakena(balik)beb!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Experiment : - Roux, Choux
*Hadippa*
The Choux experiment went well.
Ingredients:
Butter (yes, the unidentified butter. unsalted butter will release an amount of oil if mixture is let to rest.)
all-purpose floor (plain flour will do. some website states that one should use a mix of cake flour and bread flour. but plain flour will do.)
a pinch of salt
Method:
Boil a pot of water (200ml).
Add in butter (100g)
Boil the mixture - constantly stirring the mixture
Remove mixture from the heat.
Add in flour bit by bit (this is where you have to start breathing deeeeppp. u need all the energy and oxygen to stir. constantly stirring with all your might. this is the best way to vent your frustrations at. =))
Mixture will look like a dough now.
Nice smelling, golden dough...cantik sangat.
ok thats roux for you.
To make Choux..you will need the dough to cool first.
Can cool it by putting it in the fridge OR using the mixer.
Get ready 4 beaten eggs and a tsp of vanilla essence
When dough is cool, add in the eggs and essence...use the mixer. mix it well baybeh!
ouhh...add the eggs slowly k...u wont want your dough to be watery...
mixture shld be light and creamy.
Now, it ready to be ermmmm...creamed out?
whatever shape you want.
The Choux experiment went well.
Ingredients:
Butter (yes, the unidentified butter. unsalted butter will release an amount of oil if mixture is let to rest.)
all-purpose floor (plain flour will do. some website states that one should use a mix of cake flour and bread flour. but plain flour will do.)
a pinch of salt
Method:
Boil a pot of water (200ml).
Add in butter (100g)
Boil the mixture - constantly stirring the mixture
Remove mixture from the heat.
Add in flour bit by bit (this is where you have to start breathing deeeeppp. u need all the energy and oxygen to stir. constantly stirring with all your might. this is the best way to vent your frustrations at. =))
Mixture will look like a dough now.
Nice smelling, golden dough...cantik sangat.
ok thats roux for you.
To make Choux..you will need the dough to cool first.
Can cool it by putting it in the fridge OR using the mixer.
Get ready 4 beaten eggs and a tsp of vanilla essence
When dough is cool, add in the eggs and essence...use the mixer. mix it well baybeh!
ouhh...add the eggs slowly k...u wont want your dough to be watery...
mixture shld be light and creamy.
Now, it ready to be ermmmm...creamed out?
whatever shape you want.
Remember it will puff up twice the size of its initial state.
There is no need for you to glaze the baking trays or use the tracing paper.
Once you have taken out the Choux out of the oven just remember to remove the choux out of its original place (on the tray). If not it will stick to the tray once it has cooled.
Ok the 1st part of my experiment went well.
The 2nd part :- Couverture chocolate, didnt turn out well. Aint so sure if Dairy Cream is equivalent to Dairy Whipping Cream? Maybe i have added too much of the whipping cream hence the couveture chocolate refuses to set in.
Nevertheless, its gonna be another trial and error!
insyaAllah (God's willing) will upload the pic of my chocolate choux.
its on my handphone. Cuma malas nak upload.
The amatuer baker signing off.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Experiment went wr0ng
Roux..that was the experiment that I was planning to do today.
A simple dessert..well it seems that way BUT.....the amount of energy required to keep stirring the mixture..tires me out.
or maybe its because i carried AniQ? ahhah!
ok anyways. here i am going to confess that i am one terrible baker. who sembarang substitute ingredients. and mix it sesuka hati.
ermm, abit angry at myself..but then again, i knew that it will happen. =)
ok here's the list of my mistakes:
list of ingredients included:
mentega - which means butter in malay. i bought unsalted butter. i have no idea what much difference would it make using the unsalted, salted and the unidentified butter. which i am going to find out...google it!
tepung gandum serbaguna - direct translation would means...ermmm..all-purpose flour. which the shop (shall not mentioned) didnt sell any. so me being me, contemplated to either buy the plain flour, self-raising flour and cake flour. i read the "instructions" behind each packages. Plain flour seems more suitable for Roux making (again, i assumed!).
And so with all the wrong ingredients - maybe its rite but wrong method- the baking aka experiment for today bantot!
Nevertheless, yok experiment again yok.
But nak kena buat homework (with extra effort!) again...
A simple dessert..well it seems that way BUT.....the amount of energy required to keep stirring the mixture..tires me out.
or maybe its because i carried AniQ? ahhah!
ok anyways. here i am going to confess that i am one terrible baker. who sembarang substitute ingredients. and mix it sesuka hati.
ermm, abit angry at myself..but then again, i knew that it will happen. =)
ok here's the list of my mistakes:
list of ingredients included:
mentega - which means butter in malay. i bought unsalted butter. i have no idea what much difference would it make using the unsalted, salted and the unidentified butter. which i am going to find out...google it!
tepung gandum serbaguna - direct translation would means...ermmm..all-purpose flour. which the shop (shall not mentioned) didnt sell any. so me being me, contemplated to either buy the plain flour, self-raising flour and cake flour. i read the "instructions" behind each packages. Plain flour seems more suitable for Roux making (again, i assumed!).
And so with all the wrong ingredients - maybe its rite but wrong method- the baking aka experiment for today bantot!
Nevertheless, yok experiment again yok.
But nak kena buat homework (with extra effort!) again...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
She says it All
Someone's Blog Entry:
Dear non-panic disorder sufferer,
There are some things I want you to know about me and my condition.I am not necessarily shy, that's not what having a panic disorder is. I am an outgoing person who often feels trapped inside a wall of fear. I get really angry sometimes because what I feel like is the real me is trapped behind my anxiety. I probably want to be affectionate and laid back and fun at any given time but you make me nervous. It's not your fault, it's just people- it's nothing you do or did. I can only become desensitized to people by spending a lot of time with them and even then sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes, with some people, it works right away.
I know that what I'm afraid of isn't real. I know that the threat is an illusion and that I'm not really going to get hurt, but my body is telling me otherwise. I try to talk myself out of it but "fight or flight" is one of the most basic and powerful instincts of the body, and it doesn't always listen.
I am working really hard to combat my anxiety disorder. Some days I start to give up because I've been fighting for so long and it doesn't seem to change, or I make progress and then I backslide. It's inevitable that I get depressed and may not seem to be working to help myself. Having an anxiety disorder is really hard and I promise I'm doing what I can. Much of the fight that goes on with my condition happens inside the head, so while it might not seem like I am trying to help myself, I am.
I am constantly exhausted. If your body went through intense terror each day (or sometimes, just from time-to-time) and then crashed, you'd be exhausted too. I have to make myself move when I am crashing and sometimes I just have to sleep. My body doesn't present that as an option; it's just an order- "You. Sleep. Now". Sometimes I don't get things done because I am tired. Please don't get mad at me if I don't always do everything I am supposed to do- it can be a real struggle to do little things that most people don't think twice about, like walking into a store, running errands, sometimes even leaving my house.
Some of my behavior might seem pretty odd at times. I might make someone go with me to places I ought to be able to go to alone because I need a "safe" person there. I might come off as clingy and dependent on others, but my reasoning is not what you might assume- "safe" people are our anchors to sanity. Real or not, we assume we can count on them to help us if we become terrified, and that can make the difference between fleeing a place or being able to stick it out. We develop triggers in specific places and that place, as innocuous as it might seem to you, scares me to death. I don't want to feel that way; it's embarrassing, but I do. How would you feel if you were terrified out of your mind in a place or around a person you know is harmless in your heart?
I try many things to combat my anxiety. If you've heard about a technique, I've probably heard about it. I've tried meditation, yoga, acupuncture, keeping active, positive self-talk, cognitive behavioral therapy, regular therapy, and medication, among things. I've probably tried lots of different medication. Anxiety disorder (and depression, since the two are linked- you'd be depressed if you had an anxiety disorder) often get treated with strong medication, and strong medication has side-effects. When I am trying new medications I might be "off" and irrational. Please forgive me, it's not me, it's the meds. Also, some meds make me extra tired or dizzy or any number of other things that aren't my normal or desired state. Most medication used to treat anxiety is something the body becomes immune to over time, so the dosage must be increased. So, occasionally I may relapse when I am not expecting it. I don't necessarily know the cause.
Please don't make fun of me when I am experiencing a panic attack- it's horrible enough without you ridiculing me. You wouldn't be laughing if you were the one whose body was revolting in fear. I'm not making anything up, I'm not trying to use panic attacks as an excuse not to do things, and I surely don't want to be a burden on you or effect your life negatively. Knowing I sometimes am and sometimes do adds to the misery of the condition. What I really need is for you to let me hold your hand or your arm tightly at times, and to humor me and just tell me it isn't real and I don't have to be scared, even if it's the millionth time you've said it. Tell me you'll protect me and I might just believe you, because I want to so badly. I want to be tough and independent and in control, but something (psychological and chemical) inside of me won't let me be free.
Panic disorders are almost always genetic and are chemically related, though they're often triggered by a traumatic event. Before realizing what is happening to us, most panic disorder sufferers go through a terrible period of thinking that we're dying when we're having a panic attack, or that something terrible is about to happen to us, etc. It's impossible to understand when it first happens, unless someone is there to warn you. There usually isn't.
Many of us live in terror of letting other people know we're freaking out, so while we might seem normal, in control, and calm, our insides are often a different story. It's ok to tell us we seem stabler or more confident- we'll appreciate you noticing. Just know that sometimes it might be an illusion, sometimes true one day but not the next. Acting like it's a result of something we didn't do is a double-blow, the first one being our own senses of failure for not being able to just "tough it out", "grin and bear it" etc.
Sometimes, just walking into a room by ourselves is the accomplishment of the day. Sometimes, we could lead a parade. Please, give us the credit for living with something so tough and managing to do anything. Please, just support us and help us, and listen to us. It's natural to get annoyed sometimes, but if you're annoyed, we're probably beating ourselves up because we're a self-critical lot. That's part of how we got this way, by being too self-aware.
We are trying to win the battle, but some days we just want to give up.
Thanks, and we love those who help us,
Your friend with a panic disorder
Dear non-panic disorder sufferer,
There are some things I want you to know about me and my condition.I am not necessarily shy, that's not what having a panic disorder is. I am an outgoing person who often feels trapped inside a wall of fear. I get really angry sometimes because what I feel like is the real me is trapped behind my anxiety. I probably want to be affectionate and laid back and fun at any given time but you make me nervous. It's not your fault, it's just people- it's nothing you do or did. I can only become desensitized to people by spending a lot of time with them and even then sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes, with some people, it works right away.
I know that what I'm afraid of isn't real. I know that the threat is an illusion and that I'm not really going to get hurt, but my body is telling me otherwise. I try to talk myself out of it but "fight or flight" is one of the most basic and powerful instincts of the body, and it doesn't always listen.
I am working really hard to combat my anxiety disorder. Some days I start to give up because I've been fighting for so long and it doesn't seem to change, or I make progress and then I backslide. It's inevitable that I get depressed and may not seem to be working to help myself. Having an anxiety disorder is really hard and I promise I'm doing what I can. Much of the fight that goes on with my condition happens inside the head, so while it might not seem like I am trying to help myself, I am.
I am constantly exhausted. If your body went through intense terror each day (or sometimes, just from time-to-time) and then crashed, you'd be exhausted too. I have to make myself move when I am crashing and sometimes I just have to sleep. My body doesn't present that as an option; it's just an order- "You. Sleep. Now". Sometimes I don't get things done because I am tired. Please don't get mad at me if I don't always do everything I am supposed to do- it can be a real struggle to do little things that most people don't think twice about, like walking into a store, running errands, sometimes even leaving my house.
Some of my behavior might seem pretty odd at times. I might make someone go with me to places I ought to be able to go to alone because I need a "safe" person there. I might come off as clingy and dependent on others, but my reasoning is not what you might assume- "safe" people are our anchors to sanity. Real or not, we assume we can count on them to help us if we become terrified, and that can make the difference between fleeing a place or being able to stick it out. We develop triggers in specific places and that place, as innocuous as it might seem to you, scares me to death. I don't want to feel that way; it's embarrassing, but I do. How would you feel if you were terrified out of your mind in a place or around a person you know is harmless in your heart?
I try many things to combat my anxiety. If you've heard about a technique, I've probably heard about it. I've tried meditation, yoga, acupuncture, keeping active, positive self-talk, cognitive behavioral therapy, regular therapy, and medication, among things. I've probably tried lots of different medication. Anxiety disorder (and depression, since the two are linked- you'd be depressed if you had an anxiety disorder) often get treated with strong medication, and strong medication has side-effects. When I am trying new medications I might be "off" and irrational. Please forgive me, it's not me, it's the meds. Also, some meds make me extra tired or dizzy or any number of other things that aren't my normal or desired state. Most medication used to treat anxiety is something the body becomes immune to over time, so the dosage must be increased. So, occasionally I may relapse when I am not expecting it. I don't necessarily know the cause.
Please don't make fun of me when I am experiencing a panic attack- it's horrible enough without you ridiculing me. You wouldn't be laughing if you were the one whose body was revolting in fear. I'm not making anything up, I'm not trying to use panic attacks as an excuse not to do things, and I surely don't want to be a burden on you or effect your life negatively. Knowing I sometimes am and sometimes do adds to the misery of the condition. What I really need is for you to let me hold your hand or your arm tightly at times, and to humor me and just tell me it isn't real and I don't have to be scared, even if it's the millionth time you've said it. Tell me you'll protect me and I might just believe you, because I want to so badly. I want to be tough and independent and in control, but something (psychological and chemical) inside of me won't let me be free.
Panic disorders are almost always genetic and are chemically related, though they're often triggered by a traumatic event. Before realizing what is happening to us, most panic disorder sufferers go through a terrible period of thinking that we're dying when we're having a panic attack, or that something terrible is about to happen to us, etc. It's impossible to understand when it first happens, unless someone is there to warn you. There usually isn't.
Many of us live in terror of letting other people know we're freaking out, so while we might seem normal, in control, and calm, our insides are often a different story. It's ok to tell us we seem stabler or more confident- we'll appreciate you noticing. Just know that sometimes it might be an illusion, sometimes true one day but not the next. Acting like it's a result of something we didn't do is a double-blow, the first one being our own senses of failure for not being able to just "tough it out", "grin and bear it" etc.
Sometimes, just walking into a room by ourselves is the accomplishment of the day. Sometimes, we could lead a parade. Please, give us the credit for living with something so tough and managing to do anything. Please, just support us and help us, and listen to us. It's natural to get annoyed sometimes, but if you're annoyed, we're probably beating ourselves up because we're a self-critical lot. That's part of how we got this way, by being too self-aware.
We are trying to win the battle, but some days we just want to give up.
Thanks, and we love those who help us,
Your friend with a panic disorder
Saturday, March 27, 2010
in search
for a dustbin.
i have an idea of how my ideal dustbin should look like.
and i tink i've seen it somewhere before...
BUT i cant find it in IKEA or anywhere else.
Dear Perfect Dustbin, please make yourself visible to me.
I want you, and I wont settle for something else (okkk, if the search seems too long, den i have to settle for another)
i have an idea of how my ideal dustbin should look like.
and i tink i've seen it somewhere before...
BUT i cant find it in IKEA or anywhere else.
Dear Perfect Dustbin, please make yourself visible to me.
I want you, and I wont settle for something else (okkk, if the search seems too long, den i have to settle for another)
Monday, March 22, 2010
..it will just take me 5 mins..
it will just take me 5 minutes
to get myself started on a task and indulge myself in it.
it will just take me 5 minutes
to convinced myself that i hav the capability.
to get myself started on a task and indulge myself in it.
it will just take me 5 minutes
to convinced myself that i hav the capability.
it will just take 5 minutes
out of the 1,440minutes a day.
and it took me less than 5 minutes to write up this entry.
should have taken the time to complete what im supposed to. =P
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